Tuesday, August 4, 2015

It's Too Exhausting Trying To Be Him

I was on a "Daddy/Son Adventure" with my oldest Benjamin when the phone rang.  On the other end of the phone was my wife Lori who was in panic mode.  "The house is on fire! The house is full of smoke!"  She was at home alone with my youngest, Josiah, who was a toddler at the time.  She had put him down for a nap and as so often is the case, mommy takes every opportunity to sleep when the little one is asleep.  There was a candle burning in the bathroom and somehow it started a small fire.  Lori awakened to a house full of smoke with the fire between her and our baby.  She quickly grabbed him and got out of the house.

Fortunately, our house did not burn down and there was very little damage.  Lori and Josiah were safe.  Still, on the other end of the phone there I sat feeling completely helpless.  The reality was, there was nothing I could do to help.  I wasn't there.  I couldn't be the hero.  I couldn't fix the situation.  And therein lies the real issue.  I wasn't in control.

Oh, how I hated that!  I liked control.  Yep, I was a complete control freak and I struggled when I was not in control.  I struggled to trust that God could take care of my little world.  I knew in my head that He's got this, but in my heart its obvious I struggled to really believe it.  I mean, I wasn't even there with the fire and the smoke and the baby in the other room, but I'm pretty sure if you were able to measure our panic levels, mine would have been astronomically higher than my wife's. I sat there thinking of how if I was there everything would be alright.  The reality was that my Heavenly Father was there and everything was alright.  Lori was awakened.  She grabbed Josiah and got him out of the house.  The fire extinguished itself.  Hmmm.....kind of sounds like everything I thought I was needed for, God took care of Himself.  Imagine that!

That's been several years ago, and although I've grown in my ability to trust God, still I struggle at times.  Perhaps, you've got this thing down and that's great, but I'm still on the journey.  I still struggle to completely trust that He's capable of keeping my world from falling apart.  Yet, day after day, He holds it all together without my help.  Still there I am attempting to carry the weight of my world on my shoulders.  All the while He's calling me to lay it down and allow Him to carry it.  His shoulders were built for this.

The truth is God is able!  God is able to keep all that I have committed to Him (II Tim 1:12).  Everything that I trust Him with, He can take care of it.  He can take care of it all.  He can carry the weight of our little world.  He is capable of holding it all together.  God is able!  I think I'll take this weight off my shoulders and let Him carry it.  It's just way too exhausting trying to be Him.