Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Confessions Of A Savioraholic

Control, alt, delete. Ever been there? You know what I'm talking about. The computer freezes up and you get some message like "program not responding" or "your computer is going to explode...RUN!!!" I know there's no message like the last one there, but there are times when I'd like to make it blow up. Anyways, its in those "computer freeze" moments when you hit those three keys, control, alt delete, hoping that perhaps that will help get things running smoothly again.

Now, I'm not a computer science major, so I'm not going to pretend to know the inner workings of a computer. But this much I do know, there are moments for whatever reason when computers just freeze up. Maybe, its because of too many processes occurring at the same time or some kind of virus or maybe even faulty software or hardware. I know there are a lot of different reasons. Again, I don't pretend to know all that much about the "whys," I just know its quite frustrating when it happens.

I don't know about you, but my brain does that from time to time as well. Its like all of a sudden something like this runs through my brain... oiuqwe09809kd;aldjp;ioeupoiwer. Has your mind ever felt like that? Like, brain waves are there but no thoughts are really registering? I get there sometimes. More times than I care to admit. Usually its at the end of a busy day or a crazy week. In moments like these, I just like to check-out for a bit. You know take a deep breath, stare at a wall, and just use as few brain functions as possible.

I remember when Lori and I first got married there were times when I would sit on the couch and just veg-out for a little bit. She would want to talk and my brain literally could not connect two sentences. It wasn't that I was disinterested. It was, just like those computer freezes, my brain had encountered too many inputs and was shutting down. It's not a stress related thing, or an emotional thing, just an exhaustion thing. Through the years I think she has become very good at knowing when my brain is at control, alt, delete stage.

One thing I discovered over the years is that I haven't been all that good at learning how to knock off work at a specific time. I carry it with me, much of where I go. My brain is so often in "work" mode, and I have a real difficulty turning it off. I will go to bed thinking, and I will wake up thinking. Again, for the most part its not worry, or fear, or stress, just a list of things that needs to get done or problems that need to get solved. Ok, I'll say it...yep, there are even times when I'm thinking "there's a world that needs saving, how can I rest at a time like this?" Yes, my name is Tim Stone and I'm a savior-aholic. I feel much better now that I've got that off my chest. I felt like a while back after I did my best attempt at playing savior of the world, and I was feeling completely exhausted, the Holy Spirit said, "So, how's it feel to play savior for a week? How's that working out for you?" It was in a time of prayer and I actually chuckled because I knew He was right on.

I think we humans are really good at loading things on our shoulders that we aren't meant to carry. We're walking through life with huge spiritual back-packs and wondering why we're worn-out, exhausted, and bordering on burn-out. God forbid we step back and take a breather. A day off? Are you kidding? There's too much to do. Got to wash the laundry, got spend time with the kids, got to go to work, got to mow the yard, got to return the phone calls, got pay the bills, got to run by the bank, got to run by the cleaners, got to get the oil changed, got to check facebook, got to check emails, got to wash the car, got to dust the furniture, got to take out the trash, got to clean the garage, got to cook dinner, and on and on it goes. Oh, yeah and haven't you heard there's a world that needs saving? So we go through life at the speed of light until we get to that point where Starbucks can't pump enough caffeine into their coffee to keep us going. Control, alt delete! Control, alt, delete! Control, alt, delete!!!

Unfortunately, we don't have those buttons to reboot us. God is really smart, though. He knew how we would do life and he instituted this thing called a sabbath. We've made it a religious thing, but God created it to be a part of how we do life. No, its not that hour long Sat. or Sunday thing we do. It was created for mankind, as a day to recharge and refuel. A day to cease from work, and take a breather. Its a day for us to allow the Holy Spirit to breath life into us and refresh us. Think about it, you were created with both the capacity to work, and the need to take a break. More times than not, those moments when my brain hits overload mode, its because I've failed to stop to recharge and refuel.

I know for those workaholics and savioraholics out there, its a tough thing for us to take a break. Afterall, there's so much work to do and haven't you heard there's a world to save. I'm just thinking it might be a little prideful for us to think that the world can't handle being without us for a day. I'm learning how to slow down. No, I don't always do it right, but I do believe I'm getting much better. Because, I'm a pastor, Mondays have become the day of rest in the Stone household. I still have my prayer time and Bible study time, and the rest of the day is family day. I don't check emails, I rarely answer my phone or return phone calls, and I spend the day resting and having a great time with my family. I know, there's a world to save, but I'm thinking I'll let Jesus be the Savior, since He's much better at pulling that off than I am. I'll do my part Tuesday-Sunday and I'll engage in kingdom business like crazy on those days, but I'm determined to follow God's design concerning the sabbath.

Now, even following that design for life, there are still those moments when my brain registers....laoiuer098029384roidad;flakdjva. They are fewer and much further apart though. As for my computer? Well, let's just say even taking Mondays off doesn't seem to help it at all.

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